'IF'...'THEN' - Getting Your Audience to Listen, Think and Grow

I read from the book of Proverbs every day. The promise of the book is wisdom which we all need. There are 31 Proverbs so try reading one a day correlated to the day. i.e. December 2nd read Proverbs Chapter 2.


Proverbs 2 vs 1-5
1 My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,
2 turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding,
3 and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding,
4 and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure,
5 then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge


(This scenario is focused on parenting but can easily be adapted for your situation as a manager, coach or anyone in a position of authority. If you want those you manage to think for themselves and grow, try it.)

(vs 1-5) This is a great way to approach children if you want them to think and manage their lives well. This approach should be used as young as possible but probably not before the early teen years.

The approach is the ‘IF’ – ‘Then’ model of teaching and the goal is for teens to self-moderate by thinking through their choices and behavior. By early teen years there should not be any more we can teach our kids about faith, morality, values etc. That is what childhood is for. When we get to the teen years, that is the beginning of adulthood.

The teen years should focus on getting children thinking and making decisions for themselves.
When we approach teens with the ‘IF’ proposition we immediately have an audience. We are not dictating, forcing or threatening. We assume they will have the sense to listen to the next part of what we have to say as well. This is not always true but we need to attribute a sense of common sense if we want a listening audience.

‘IF’….you do this, ‘THEN’ this is what you are likely to expect. You can’t predict but based on common sense and having experienced life, you have the right to play out scenarios.

The ‘IF’ – ‘THEN’ scenario here is a proven formula. It relates to our relationship with God who is the one who backs the ‘IF’ – ‘THEN’ proposition with His promise that if we seek Him we will find Him.

When we preface a conversation about life with the ‘IF’ – ‘THEN’, kids have the opportunity to try it their own way. They have the opportunity to try and succeed as well as prove us right. Sometimes they will prove themselves right and we then don’t lose authority by having been dogmatic.

Parents who never let their kids think should only hope to continue thinking for them well into their adult lives.

How does anyone ever learn to make decisions if they are never taught to weigh options for themselves? How does anyone ever become successful if they only do what ordered to do and never allowed to choose their own path in a particular situation?

As a parent we should be right far more than we are wrong or then we need to start going to our kids for advice.

Parents should not be threatened when their kids are right. That is probably one of the healthiest ways of helping them become mature and separate from us. That enables them to get into life with confidence. As a manager it might free you up from having to supervise so closely because you know they might make another great choice if allowed to.

The ‘IF’ – ‘THEN’ proposition or teaching method used here allows the proposer the time to think through what they are saying. Instead of demanding compliance we have to think about what good or growth might result.

Notice that the ‘IF’ –‘THEN’ proposition modeled here is for success and not used as a warning. Most of the time when it is used it is done so to warn: ‘IF’ you do……’THEN’ these will be the negative consequences. Most of the time we use it in these situations we amplify the consequences by citing the most extreme examples.

Why not use this powerful tool to teach positive behaviors and elicit success? The audience might be more open to listening and great things might happen.